On Not Caring

IDGAF

What it is about summer that makes me seriously question every choice I’ve ever made? Does that happen to you, too? You may have noticed that I’ve been somewhat absent from my blog – that’s because a) I’ve been trying to get ahead on posts and ironically enough that means I don’t have time to post, and b) because the only thing that’s truly been on my mind is what am I doooing with my liife?

I’m doing fine! That’s what I’m doing!

I really am. Everything is going well. Summer is rolling along, and I found some shorts on sale . Now I have more than one weather/lifestyle appropriate outfit, which is making me feel like a whole new person. Today (the day I’m writing this) I got to go to the pool for the morning, and I think all that vitamin D really did me good.

My mom and I were talking about how you have to live your best life every day. That sounds like something that makes you feel good, but actually has no meaning, but I think there’s a good point to it. I have all of these goals and hopes, but nothing that’s concrete right now, and that can be discouraging. But those goals aren’t going to just happen, and if I operate in the mindset that they’re facts, not ‘someday’ things, maybe that will help them come true. Basically, I need to stop being afraid that I’m going to fail and just believe in myself, oh god, I just said that, yikes.

Something else I’ve been thinking about is this video. If you don’t have time to watch it, it’s just Macklemore and Ryan Lewis performing three songs at NPR’s offices. The blogger who originally posted it said that it gave her chills to watch someone who is so clearly meant to be doing exactly what he’s doing, and I agree. I am always inspired by people who are great at what they do. Something that struck me as I watched that video, though, was that he got so successful by just doing what he wanted, and not caring what other people thought. His big hit was a rap glorifying thrift shops… and he has this crazy, super creative video to go along with it, and he’s just doing him.

Alot of my actions are dictated by how people might perceive them. This blog has morphed into what I think people would be interested to read, I want to be sure I have pinnable images in every post, when I’m designing, I worry so much about if my clients will like what I do that it can be paralyzing, and I do private sessions on Spotify when I want to listen to music that I find embarrassing to like.

What is that about?

Seriously, though, I didn’t even realize I was doing this, until I took a step back and thought about it! Why do I care so much? People who are truly extraordinary follow their passions and don’t give a shit how other people perceive them.

So here’s my plan – I’m going to try not thinking about what other people think of me for a while. I’m going to own the things I like and am passionate about, and not worry about what I’m ‘supposed’ to like, or be doing, and instead of spending my energy worrying about what happens if my clients hate something (uh, nothing, I change it and it’s fine, DUH ALISON) I’m going to put that energy toward making my stuff even better. I’m also going to start blogging about what I’m interested in, and what I’m honestly thinking about, and stop looking at statistics and how many pins I get. I’m follow my interests, and my passions, and see where that takes me for a while.