I know I’ve been talking about the dark side of freelancing recently. The loss of motivation, the fear that you may never be as successful as you hope, those are pretty big things to deal with on a regular basis. It helps to talk about it, but I know sometimes people must be wondering, why do it then? If it’s SOOO hard, why keep it up? That’s a good question. I actually have see job listings, or hear from people who may have a job I might be interested in taking. I always think about it. It would be nice to have a steady income. It would be nice to see other people, get out of the house regularly, and be able to come home and not think about work. I think about money a lot, and I can’t guarantee that I’ll be able to pay my bills in six months. (Although, can anyone ever REALLY guarantee that?)
But I haven’t been truly tempted to give this up. Of course, I think about every potential opportunity that comes my way – that’s just responsible, and I know that you should never say never. But even on my worst days, I get such joy out of knowing that I am building something for myself. I am so passionate about design, I love doing it so much, and it’s so comforting to know that nobody can ever take this job away from me. When I spent years looking for first internships, and then full time jobs, I would see these positions that I KNEW I would be fantastic at, have interviews where I felt like I really connected with the people I was meeting, and feel this rush of excitement at the prospect of getting to work there every day, to the point where I didn’t even care about what I would get paid. But ultimately, the decision was up to the people doing the hiring. It would be devastating to get the call (or more realistically, a weeks-after-the-fact email) saying that they didn’t think I was a good fit for the position. I knew I had the potential to shine, and it felt like I couldn’t find anyone to give me a chance. Even more frustratingly, I felt like my future was always in someone else’s hands. I am definitely a planner, but it’s hard to think ahead when there’s always the possibility that you just might be spending most of your time somewhere else.
This job, however, is all mine. I call the shots, and while I might not get certain projects I want, no one person is determining how I will make my living. I can live wherever I want, choose how much I want to work, and best of all, I am building a business that allows me to follow my passion and connect with people who are passionate about what THEY do.
The more I’ve done it, the more I’ve realized that this is the perfect job for me. This is a job that I am proud of, and when I think of the future, I get excited. I see days filled with growth, excitement, and beauty instead of ‘work’, and I can’t imagine a better future.